David Virtue rides on in majesty
HELL - The greatest gift the western Anglican Church has given to liberal members has been elevated to the level of Saviour following closed deliberations at the second Virtuite Ecumenical Synod in West Chester, yesterday.
A spokesperson for the diocese of St. David told RAFwN news that the decision was finally made following the latest exclusive posted on his website, D-v-dV-rt–IsG-d.Com, in which V-rt– (peace be upon him) exposed what appears to be a trumped-up lawsuit in the diocese of New York.
The Ecumenical Synod’s decision to elevate V-rt– (peace be upon him) to Saviour is a very significant move for the Church. It will mean that worshipers iconic object of faith and devotion will be the middle-aged former resident of the South Pacific. Members of the Ecumenical Synod are directed to believe that the body and blood, soul and divinity of V-rt– (peace be upon him) are really present in the Davidic Feast, which takes place in every Virtuite parish Wednesday evenings and consists of canned ham and boxes of wine (V-rt–’s (pbuh) favourite meal. The Feast is eaten in commemoration of the appearing of the career of Dan Rather to him in a dream.
Church pundits have already begun responding, with the Archbishop of Canterbury calling the move “very worrying for us. I do hope that this will not upset too many people. We are growing rather weary with all this unpleasantness.” Canon David Anderson, president of the American Anglican Council told RAFwN news that he would take every possible measure to block the elevation and questioned the sanity of the people involved.
An Anglican Evangelical Christian organization that refused to be named said the move was “very worrying for us. We do hope that this will not upset too many people. We are growing rather weary with all this unpleasantness.” When asked what action they would take in response, AEC replied, “None…but we must reiterate how weary we are with all this unpleasantness.”
Sources: V-L (pbuh)
